


Breathe with You

by iwachans



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Comfort/Angst, Cuddles, Hinata is the sweetest, M/M, Other, Trans Male Character, genderfluid kenma, hinata is trans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 17:09:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3904213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwachans/pseuds/iwachans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're going to be alone, and it’s going to be all their fault because they couldn't keep up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe with You

It’s another one of Kenma’s bad nights. The ones when they cannot sleep, even if they tried.

The clock reads two-thirty. Kenma does not care. The room is a cold, empty abyss and they can only stare further into it as they sit up on their bed; their thoughts are their only company.

They're not sure exactly how long they've been awake, but it felt like an eternity of being plagued with a question Kenma does not want to know the answer to.

_"Do they hate me?"_

They would ponder throughout the endless night, trying to remember any time their friends expressed any form of resentment towards them. Their distress only intensifies when they can find none.

They feel as if it's not real, as if anyone that had approached them with a friendly smile was only trying to get to them. Their friends want to make a fool of them, they're sure of it. Their friendships are built upon lies. Eventually their friends are going to leave them in the dust, and they don't know how they'll cope. They're going to be alone, and it’s going to be all their fault because they couldn’t keep up. Saying Kenma is afraid is an under exaggeration; they’re downright terrified.

The blond hears stirring beside them and nearly jumps out of their skin. When they turn and barely make out the outline of Shoyo, they relax. That's right, Shoyo fell asleep on their bed, and Kenma didn't have the heart to move him.

The blond loses their train of thought, and they decided to watch Shoyo sleep rather than rack their brain for the topic they were stressing over. They watch the redhead's chest rise and fall, and Kenma jolts. They remember that Shoyo's still wearing his binder.

Immediately, their anxiety multiplies as they debate whether to wake Shoyo up this late. Would it really harm him if he keeps it on for a night? It will, they realize; Kenma remembers the boy recounting how awful he felt when he wore his binder for even an hour or two longer than he should, how it constricts him and breathing becomes a nearly impossible task. Kenma doesn’t want Shouyou to experience such agony in the morning. Kenma nudges Shoyo, who responds with a groan.

"Shou, get up."

The boy groans, rubbing his eyes drowsily and Kenma wonders how he managed to find sleep with his binder on. They can see the marks the cloth is leaving on his shoulders and stomach.

"You have to change, Shou. Take your binder off."

Shoyo freezes. Seconds pass, and the boy begins hopping towards the bathroom with a handful of clothes in his clutches. The door slams with a heavy thud, and Kenma cringes. The silence is overwhelming, and Kenma pulls out their phone and opens Love Live. They quickly change their mind, and checks his messages instead; they scroll through page after page, rereading the texts Kuroo and Hinata had sent them.

A fresh pang of anxiety twists in their gut. All of the messages the joyful red head had sent him must have been out of pity; the only reason Hinata’s even visiting Tokyo, staying the week, is only out of pity for the problem child that can’t seem to make any friends.

He masks his loathing for Kenma. They can’t shake the thought out of their head.

Kenma realizes how much they despise thinking. It keeps them from living a carefree existence like so many of their friends can do with ease.

They were called the team’s brain, after all. The calculating, quiet tactician that led the team to victory. It’s a hollow title to bear. Kenma tolerates it, though. It makes the time they spend in volleyball worthwhile.

They’re so wrapped up in their thoughts they don’t hear Shoyo padding into the room. His eyes dart from wall to wall before settling on the faint outline of Shoyo's bright hair in the darkness, the red locks dark and muted, but visible under the pale light just barely bathing the room through a crack in the curtains.

He settles next to Kenma, and Kenma feels Shoyo's hand on their own. If Kenma wasn't about to breakdown, they would have pulled away. Shouyou notices.

"Kenma."

The boy's voice, uncharacteristically quiet and comforting, pushes Kenma over the edge. Their vision is blurred, and Shoyo wraps his arms around them as Kenma sniffles pitifully. They bury their face in the boy's shoulder, rubbing their golden eyes.

Kenma hates crying. It makes them small, insignificant, attention-seeking.

_You're pathetic_ , their mind chides, _Loneliness is your punishment for being so harrowing. It's what you deserve._

"I'm here. Breathe, Kozume." Shoyo murmurs.

Kenma's heart skips a beat. The pair lay in the night for a lifetime, paralyzed in the dark.

Half an hour ticks by. Kenma's sobs had long faded, yet they still clutched Shoyo like the boy was their lifeline.

"Are you alright now, Kenma?" Shoyo asks after another hour. They nod, and the two refuse to break away from their positions. They sit, wide eyed, as the sunlight of a new dawn peeks in from the curtains.

The clock reads six-twenty. Kenma does not care. The darkness vanished, and they hear a little bird's faint chirps as they manage to drift off once again, anxiety dissolved in Shoyo's light. They sleep through the bright Saturday morning and well into the afternoon, breathing in sync and intertwined.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I adore kenhina so so much!! Precious comforting Shoyo is my fav  
> tbh i started this fic maybe. a month ago and only worked on it when my anxiety was super bad to calm down (still not v long tho :v)  
> i had a hard time describing an anxiety attack, but it's quite similar/ if not what i experience. I listened to Two Breaths Walking on loop while finishing this up (hence the title being the name of the module in pj f2nd lmao)  
> ALSO!!! @ trans kids pls be careful when binding and don't wear your binder for too long!! Be safe!!


End file.
